I can’t sleep, and here’s why:
I thought that I was going to sleep
To prepare for my day ahead
When I started crying into my pillow
Thinking “I wish that I was dead”
I know they think I’m worthless
That the future holds nothing for me
And sometimes I think they’re right
So now I can not sleep.
I wish to only slew my inner thoughts that I will not speak
Because “Nothing bothers me”
I remain calm at all times on the outside
And I try not to raise an eye in times of urgency
But the truth is that I’m weak inside
My steady grin is just a mask
It hides my insecurities and flaws I choose to hide
I constantly watch the clock change time
Worrying constantly about what the future holds for me
Where will I be living in by the time I’m 25?
What will my love think, should I happen to fail?
But I stand for what I’m certain of
I’m relentless in my pursuits and I don’t easily give up
I get things done to prove people wrong and throw it in their face
I do as I say and say as I do
I’m a man of my word
But I still feel like I lost
So now I wipe my nose and eyes, and drift to sleep.
Don’t get me wrong… I’ll still take a bat to you if you cross me. I’m no bitch.
2005-10-31
2005-10-23
Neo-Classical
I sat down a little while ago to learn Michael Angelo’s No Boundaries. If you know who he is but don’t know the name, it’s probably that video you downloaded from the internet that says “Speed Kills!” But I started learning the neo-classical section of that song and my dad was like “Hey Yngwie!” I just laughed. I like the classical shit on guitar…
2005-10-20
Another day in the life...
Yeah, back to my pirating days… Selling bootlegs of operation systems, burning multiple copies of applications that are in high demand for distribution to the masses. Reason 2.5 is a popular program! I can’t wait till that job agency thing gets me my first job with them… I hear that when other employers are seeking out people, my company will negotiate raises for me to hook a nigga up!
I got my sister a copy of Diablo running on Battlenet. She’s been playing it for hours as a sorcerer… Got to make some sales!
I got my sister a copy of Diablo running on Battlenet. She’s been playing it for hours as a sorcerer… Got to make some sales!
2005-10-18
2005-10-17
The way my night worked.
So gay, I don’t have any gas to hang out with my woman. I know that doesn’t sound like a huge deal to many people, but since I’ve hung out with her almost every day for the past 3 months plus, I just can’t feel comfortable away from her. But I ended up cruising with some other people since they were in the area. But god damn I hate being around ‘girls’. Women are still annoying, but ‘girls’, even when there’s only two, is a task of monumental endurance test of epic proportions.
Food for Thought
Food for Thought:
Yesterday,
I sang a song
About a song
I sang yesterday.
Tomorrow,
I'll sing a song
About a song
I'll sing tomorrow.
Something that ups the ante a bit:
BUSINESSMAN
(Dominant Extrovert Concrete Thinker )
Mike Soucy
Like just 3% of the population you are a BUSINESSMAN (DECT). Hide the children and protect the bunnies, basically. In ancient times you would be a deadly barbarian. These days, you're perfect for Wall Street. You prefer concrete thinking to a more creative style, and your direct modes of thought and action help you succeed in whatever you may try to accomplish.
Your forceful and outgoing personality can make you seem like a hothead, but because your mind ultimately rules your heart you rarely let your emotions get in the way of your goals. By the way, think of Genghis Kahn buying seven million pork bellies on the trading market, and then eating half of them, and you have yourself. Good luck.
I don’t know if I would be good on Wall Street. But I’m sure I would’ve been great during the bootlegging back in the 20’s and shit. I’ve done my fair share of illegal trafficking and gun running. Nabbing up illegal stuff from places… As far as being a deadly barbarian, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a gladiator in roman times. You fight for fame, bitches, and free everything. Mostly the fame I guess… Didn’t they make statues to honor their beloved fighters of back then? I don’t know, I’m asking…
Yesterday,
I sang a song
About a song
I sang yesterday.
Tomorrow,
I'll sing a song
About a song
I'll sing tomorrow.
Something that ups the ante a bit:
BUSINESSMAN
(Dominant Extrovert Concrete Thinker )
Mike Soucy
Like just 3% of the population you are a BUSINESSMAN (DECT). Hide the children and protect the bunnies, basically. In ancient times you would be a deadly barbarian. These days, you're perfect for Wall Street. You prefer concrete thinking to a more creative style, and your direct modes of thought and action help you succeed in whatever you may try to accomplish.
Your forceful and outgoing personality can make you seem like a hothead, but because your mind ultimately rules your heart you rarely let your emotions get in the way of your goals. By the way, think of Genghis Kahn buying seven million pork bellies on the trading market, and then eating half of them, and you have yourself. Good luck.
I don’t know if I would be good on Wall Street. But I’m sure I would’ve been great during the bootlegging back in the 20’s and shit. I’ve done my fair share of illegal trafficking and gun running. Nabbing up illegal stuff from places… As far as being a deadly barbarian, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a gladiator in roman times. You fight for fame, bitches, and free everything. Mostly the fame I guess… Didn’t they make statues to honor their beloved fighters of back then? I don’t know, I’m asking…
I got more!
Okay, this is the last one.
entry:
eventtime: 2004-02-04 22:17:00
logtime: 2004-02-04 21:15:46
event: Another boring day...
Me and Tasia are still good. Me and Meghan still aren't. French fry's still have to be greasy and salty enough to give me a minor heart attack before I eat them. And of course, I'm still totally in the drum mood. I'm going on another week of drumming every damn day. I've joined up with Bloodline (formerly Thermal Kount) and their new bassist, and without John on secondary vocals. So naturally, I've been listening to a whole bunch of Killswitch Engage for the past week.
I've also been rolling around the inspirations I've had over the past few years when it came to my drumming. I know there's more than what's listed, I just wanna goto sleep though.
1. Drugs (Freshman year and previous year)
2. Slipknot (Joey Jordison, my first real taste of speed)
3. Pantera (Vinnie Paul and his conservative when neccesary approach)
4. Dillinger Escape Plan (Chris Pennie: Math-core. Time changes, style, complexity)
5. Soulfly (Heavy fucking tribal shit)
6. The Deftones (Abe Cunningham and his half time grooves)
7. System Of A Down (John gave me a whole new look at taking basic rhythms and making them sound good with the right music)
8. A Perfect Circle (Josh Freese and the things you can do in 12/8)
9. Tool (Danny Carrey: Don't we all like him even a little?)
10. Rush (Neil Peart is what happens when you wanna be good but don't believe in adlib. So I believe in improvisation)
11. Dream Theater (Mike Portnoy is the bar that I've raised it to)
12. Poison The Well (Chris Hornbrook enlightened me to another style of music that I like)
13. Hella (Zack Hill makes sporatic, indecisve sounding beats sound orchestrated... Jesus this guy is good)
14. Macabre (I've never seen anyone play like this Dennis The Menace. I saw them at a show I played at with Ikonoklast)
15. My homie Jake (I'm always lagging in something, and I thank Jake for letting me know what it is)
16. Jeremy Stafford (The bastard was the one who was my instructor for 4 years, he is the reason I was able to learn a majority of the stuff I've been able to learn. Mostly because of the style in which I was taking all of our book in)
17. Anthony Olivas (I always held a competition in my mind with him, and as he got better, so did I. I was his percussive shadow)
18. Everyone I've ever jammed with (A drummer has to know how to adjust to the situations he's in, and becauise of all the people I have drummed with/for or will in the future, I'm able to adjust to almost any thing)
19. Family (How do you think I started?)
20. Betsy (As much as I know she hates me, she had an effect on my drumming too. I just don't think she's ever gonna know, on the account that she won't ever talk to me again. She was an inspiration)
21. Everyone from drumline every year (I learn from everything, and everyone has taught me something, whether as a single person or as a collective group)
22. Everyone that has ever complimented me (I must be on the right track, and I'm glad that some people can actually sit down, have a beer with me, and just bring it up once in a conversation, even for just a second)
And the most important one is:
23. YOU'RE MOM! HAHAHA!
entry:
eventtime: 2004-02-04 22:17:00
logtime: 2004-02-04 21:15:46
event: Another boring day...
Me and Tasia are still good. Me and Meghan still aren't. French fry's still have to be greasy and salty enough to give me a minor heart attack before I eat them. And of course, I'm still totally in the drum mood. I'm going on another week of drumming every damn day. I've joined up with Bloodline (formerly Thermal Kount) and their new bassist, and without John on secondary vocals. So naturally, I've been listening to a whole bunch of Killswitch Engage for the past week.
I've also been rolling around the inspirations I've had over the past few years when it came to my drumming. I know there's more than what's listed, I just wanna goto sleep though.
1. Drugs (Freshman year and previous year)
2. Slipknot (Joey Jordison, my first real taste of speed)
3. Pantera (Vinnie Paul and his conservative when neccesary approach)
4. Dillinger Escape Plan (Chris Pennie: Math-core. Time changes, style, complexity)
5. Soulfly (Heavy fucking tribal shit)
6. The Deftones (Abe Cunningham and his half time grooves)
7. System Of A Down (John gave me a whole new look at taking basic rhythms and making them sound good with the right music)
8. A Perfect Circle (Josh Freese and the things you can do in 12/8)
9. Tool (Danny Carrey: Don't we all like him even a little?)
10. Rush (Neil Peart is what happens when you wanna be good but don't believe in adlib. So I believe in improvisation)
11. Dream Theater (Mike Portnoy is the bar that I've raised it to)
12. Poison The Well (Chris Hornbrook enlightened me to another style of music that I like)
13. Hella (Zack Hill makes sporatic, indecisve sounding beats sound orchestrated... Jesus this guy is good)
14. Macabre (I've never seen anyone play like this Dennis The Menace. I saw them at a show I played at with Ikonoklast)
15. My homie Jake (I'm always lagging in something, and I thank Jake for letting me know what it is)
16. Jeremy Stafford (The bastard was the one who was my instructor for 4 years, he is the reason I was able to learn a majority of the stuff I've been able to learn. Mostly because of the style in which I was taking all of our book in)
17. Anthony Olivas (I always held a competition in my mind with him, and as he got better, so did I. I was his percussive shadow)
18. Everyone I've ever jammed with (A drummer has to know how to adjust to the situations he's in, and becauise of all the people I have drummed with/for or will in the future, I'm able to adjust to almost any thing)
19. Family (How do you think I started?)
20. Betsy (As much as I know she hates me, she had an effect on my drumming too. I just don't think she's ever gonna know, on the account that she won't ever talk to me again. She was an inspiration)
21. Everyone from drumline every year (I learn from everything, and everyone has taught me something, whether as a single person or as a collective group)
22. Everyone that has ever complimented me (I must be on the right track, and I'm glad that some people can actually sit down, have a beer with me, and just bring it up once in a conversation, even for just a second)
And the most important one is:
23. YOU'RE MOM! HAHAHA!
While archiving my old Deadjournal
While archiving my old Deadjournal:
I came across some pretty funny conversations I had with people. I used to use my journal all the time too… I saw all I kinds of posts about going back to school for my 2nd senior year, taking me through my emotional spin of trying to ween off personal relationships with cunts, my little flirt with depression, insomnia, ESPECIALLY insomnia. How did I do that shit?
entry:
eventtime: 2003-12-21 15:02:00
logtime: 2003-12-21 13:59:55
event: i've heard the most awesome quote: "i'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggot goth kid."
fat zep (2:59:37 PM): i just found a remedy for my sickness: 1 thinger of ramen, half a jar of pepper, microwave for 3 minutes, eat. No more stuffy nose.
monk sez (2:59:46 PM): lol
monk sez (2:59:57 PM): your also have painful shits after a half bottle of pepper
fat zep (3:00:05 PM): ..uh oh.
monk sez (3:00:15 PM): nervous?
fat zep (3:00:20 PM): nah.
fat zep (3:00:24 PM): i can take the heat.
monk sez (3:00:32 PM): thats the spirit!
security: public
allowmask: 0
current_music: ? - ?
current_mood: hungover/horny
I came across some pretty funny conversations I had with people. I used to use my journal all the time too… I saw all I kinds of posts about going back to school for my 2nd senior year, taking me through my emotional spin of trying to ween off personal relationships with cunts, my little flirt with depression, insomnia, ESPECIALLY insomnia. How did I do that shit?
entry:
eventtime: 2003-12-21 15:02:00
logtime: 2003-12-21 13:59:55
event: i've heard the most awesome quote: "i'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggot goth kid."
fat zep (2:59:37 PM): i just found a remedy for my sickness: 1 thinger of ramen, half a jar of pepper, microwave for 3 minutes, eat. No more stuffy nose.
monk sez (2:59:46 PM): lol
monk sez (2:59:57 PM): your also have painful shits after a half bottle of pepper
fat zep (3:00:05 PM): ..uh oh.
monk sez (3:00:15 PM): nervous?
fat zep (3:00:20 PM): nah.
fat zep (3:00:24 PM): i can take the heat.
monk sez (3:00:32 PM): thats the spirit!
security: public
allowmask: 0
current_music: ? - ?
current_mood: hungover/horny
Well this certainly looks different...
Well this certainly looks different…
I thought I’d hook myself up with a thing on www.Blogger.com to take a more sophisticated looking approach at the way I take notes on things that happen to me or other people. But I’ll still keep my Deadjournal, just because so much damned stuff happen to me while I used it.
And with this, I can update from Microsoft Word! How killer is this…
I thought I’d hook myself up with a thing on www.Blogger.com to take a more sophisticated looking approach at the way I take notes on things that happen to me or other people. But I’ll still keep my Deadjournal, just because so much damned stuff happen to me while I used it.
And with this, I can update from Microsoft Word! How killer is this…
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