It's been a while.

[deleted]

I don't know sometimes.

The fact that I keep several different blogs as to sway people's eye on my life makes it very difficult to keep up with myself when I forget things...

I'm quite convinced i'm insane. Last week I missed a night of sleep, purposely. I'm not sure why, but I then proceded to overwork my body at practice that night. It was to a point that I realized that I don't even play like that at shows, and that I was just testing myself the 24 hours I had been awake. There's playing energetically, and playing to hurt yourself. I didn't get to hurt myself that night.

Not even in a sense to actually cause bodily harm to myself, but just another test of how much stress I can put myself under and walk away fine. It's not something new for me, cuz I've done it in other forms like putting myself in uncomfortable situations just to see how I handle it and hopefully learn from it in case it happens on accident someday. I'll do things that are emotionally stimulating after taking something and purposely dump myself into conversations some people shouldn't have with others.

I'm attributing these facts to the person i've come to realize I am. I've gotten over fear of physical harm, public humiliation, emotional trauma, hurting people's feelings, being held responsible for something, whatever. Recently I cut off ties with someone very close to me that helped me cap the top of my wall of fortitude. Even though that's in the past, I can't stop thinking. But it's a natural reaction: After a period of time and a degree of familiarity, emotionally insulting things can still tweak you. I still feel confident in what I did was right.

I want pills now more than ever.

I learned a bit more about myself.

[deleted]

Where am I at right now? Well let's evaluate:

I've been talking to Brody and Germy more, as well as eating better also. Which is kinda cool, cuz I never really saw myself doing much of that... Which almost leads to the recent breaking between me and Cassie, which i'm sure some people must've heard of. She swears there's something else to my story, but I call it a well-placed coincidence.

Reburn and the Skidmarks is in the studio right now recording more than 30 tracks, of which 26 or so involve drums I recorded in one day. The next day after that was a looooooooong one for me because not only did I recorded all those songs in one day, we had a show later that night that we went straight to from Byron's. Guitars are being recorded right now, and I think vocals are being done tomorrow. I'm gonna be getting down on some backup vocals with Sean and maybe Wa, so I gotta be there.

Ikonoklast is also going into the studio this coming Saturday to record not QUITE as many songs at all. We're gonna be recording old songs that hadn't been redone since I've joined, as well as 5 or 6 new songs that we're really digging on. The songs i'm noticing that are being pumped out by Ikonoklast have changed a little bit more, kinda like how the last CD had a noticable difference from old material to new. The stuff we have now has an obvious amount of less cacophonic sequence tracks. There's even a new song that I actually play the part of a conservative drummer, which makes me sounds like a stupid drummer while in fact i'm just saying that playing to the music is usually involved and the sequence was a bit simplified for once. Which isn't bad... I like being involved...

I've been working with the youngest of the Trikoff's, Mike, at a place that makes shirts, and it's not that bad. I listen to Howard Stern in the morning, and Rawdog comedy in the afternoon. I have the hours i've been wanting so badly again (9-5) and it leaves room for one my bands to step in when applicable. With my nights and weekends back in my possession, it leaves room for shows and emergency meetings or whatever.
I'm working on getting a Mazda Miyata off a previous co-worker from Sam Ash, and as insurance that it would be mine when the money came to me I gave him a van. "Why didn't you just take the van Monkey?" First, the van needed an obvious amount of work done on it. Second, MY bands don't need one because 2 members (1 out of each band) already has one. Third, gas is expensive when you get 10 miles to the gallon. Especially when everything you need to tend to is on opposite sides of town. And finally, he's saving his sports car for me? I've been thinking about something like one of those for a while. All I need to do is dish out cash periodically and pray I never get hit in that crumple-zone-less thing...

I got a Motorola V3C Razr phone. It's so cool.

I think that's about it.

Tiger Army w/ Calabrese, Korn w/ Mudvayne

I never got around to talking about my last weekend.

Tiger Army w/ Calabrese:

1. Got lost trying to find fastest way to Venue of Scottsdale from Cassie's
2. Traffic delays because of accidents
3. Saw lots of people I knew there
4. Met Cassie's friend David. And he's very tall.
5. Rocked out to Calabrese
6. Mobbed the front for Tiger Army
7. Knocked bitches down

Korn w/ Mudvayne:
1. With Cassie, caught a ride with Caleb
2. Drank some booze before the show
3. Forgot to buy a shirt
4. Loved Mudvayne, but was disapointed by their set
5. Snuck closer for Korn
6. Caleb tried to mob pit, but failed due to 8 big fucking guards
7. Enjoyed the show

Pretty good stuff that weekend.

Monkey, the tradesman.

So i'm freelancing all over the place. Getting ready to do drum lessons, fixing computers. I feel pretty sweet. I came over to John's to see why his box wasn't turning on. So I tried swapping the monitor power cord with the one already in it and still nothing. So then I plugged the monitor into the same socket where the computer was at, and no power. I then tried to pry the front of the GaycHP, as to get to the actual button, in case maybe it wasn't making proper contact with the clicky thingy. Sure enough, no electricity was passing into the bastard thing. So I concluded that the power supply was bad, it looks like the computer is at least 6 or 7 years old, just judging from the style of the case. So me and John went to Fry's Electronics to grab one, and then came back to put it in.

I'm not using the computer I fixed...

I FOUND A MOBILE PHONE SYNC FOR MY PHONE! HOLY SHIT I ROCK!

And I still love Cassie. It's just too bad I don't live in L.A.

So I’ve been working at Guitar Center since the almost beginning of November.

Selling my ass off as much as I could in my first month, I didn’t get my commission check, but that’s expected when you first start. The process is this:

(8% of Gross profit) + (x% of Gross sales) – Hourly in a month = Commission Check

Level E – 1.0%
Level D – 1.5%
Level C – 2.0% (I’m right here)
Level B – 2.5%
Level A – 3.0%

The percentage of gross sales is determined by the level of certification you have completed. And it goes without saying, you need to make more in a month in commission than you would hourly.

I was short in my first month to get a commission check by like 900 bucks or so. But my full month in the busiest shopping day of the year (December) I made almost 40k in gross sales, and almost 10k in gross profit. A few hundred under each realistically. So you can figure the math. I was one of the hardest working guys there, because I thought all the organizing, following orders, merchandising, and everything would pay off. (You see why I said was in a minute)

As of this month, I’ve been ranked as top 100 in the company for the drum department, and top 10 in the district. And of course my manager in drums, Gary, is 1 and 1. But when I picked up my commission check on the 13th, I couldn’t be more disappointed. All the work I had put in, hoping for a commission check to fix my car, or get a new one, would be shot down when I got that baby dick pay stub. As of that point in time, I’ve lost all my faith in my career at Guitar Center.

I skipped work yesterday without the smallest care in whether or not the drum department had coverage, as I was the only opener. I’ve always been worried about doing any little thing to get in trouble, so I’ve always been balls at attention to keep everyone happy. But today, the store manager told Gary to tell me not to worry about coming in today, and I know why. But I don’t care, because the company that’s so worried about taking care of customers does nothing to take of their sales associates.

So there it is. I thought I had found the dream job, in a drum shop. I did everything I could to please the people above me that worked there, but the reality of my job has set in and I won’t do anything for them anymore. I will stay there until I’m on the verge of losing my job, and I will leave. I’m a useless meat puppet on the clock there now.

So in case I see a bit off, or more angry than usual, there are reasons that I’ve been mad that are ringing in half the people I know ears. The job I thought would help me fix my car, couldn’t even do that in the three months I’ve been there. And so on, and so on.

… So I went somewhere that pays more for the same job.    

Kinda like an interview.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: <A HREF='http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=8828122&Mytoken=DF475CC6-7B7D-6CA3-F5651353FB4F9B7D11527505'>SlitWristTheory</a>
Date: Nov 27, 2005 10:59 PM

heh, fun stuff. May I ask you a few personal/professional questions? Like... How long have you been drumming, and how long did it take you to find your groove? And do you like either of the bands more or less over the other one your in? Sorry, dunno just curious ya know. I've always wanted to become a drummer. Heh, do most of your shows go over pretty well??

------------ I reply with:

Heh,

Well to start off, I got my first drum set when I was six, which I used clear until my 1st senior year of high school. That really made it clear to me that I knew how to make shitty drums sound good with the right heads and a good tune job. Before I had gotten my drum set, my dad gave me a snare drum to dick around on for a while. And then a year before I got my set, he picked up a tom for me at a thrift store so I could kinda drum on those. I learned a bunch of old Metallica, AC/DC, Nirvana, Green Day, and other assorted stuff before I had hit middle school. Once I was in middle school, I joined Jazz Band (Heh, yeah. It used to be impossible to do that) mostly through word of mouth that I was a good drummer. But I don't think I really got TOTALLY into drumming until high school. I joined marching band and the jazz band that they had at Goldwater. I learned and understood time signatures, tempo and tempo changes, rhythms, different percussion instruments, and other styles of music. In jazz band, I had started learning Latin, swing, and funk. During the next couple years of this and marching band, I had started to find my groove and create a name as THE drummer at Goldwater. In fact, I think students and some teachers are still aware of a drummer named 'Monkey'. My last year of high school, I was awarded with the Louis Armstrong Jazz Award for great performance and understanding of jazz over the years. But even still as far as my groove goes, I’m still maturing it and making stronger all the time.

As far as the bands I’m in and which are my favorite, I won't bullshit you, lol. Some people will refer to them like their children or some shit: "I like them all equally!" They'd probably be lying... There are things I like more and less about the bands I’m in right now. For starters, I like Ikonoklast because I get to play METAL! I DO however like to confide to the style of music I’m playing for the most part, even though there can be exceptions, so I get my metal fix from these guys. This is the band that I have the most confidence in. With Reburn and the Skidmarks, I enjoy more the non-specific styles of their music. Like, they're not a metal, punk, or noise band. They actually have punk, metal, or noise songs. This kinda means that being in this band, I can play anything I want! There's even some jazz and surfer style shit... maybe kinda rockabilly-ish... This is the band that I get drunk, mess up, and just have fun with it band. The new band I’m in, Blyndsyte, is the band that is helping me further cross-reference my drumming. As of now, I have or do play metal, jazz, punk, and now pop/rock. They're very mainstream in comparison to ANYTHING I’ve ever played before, which also brings me to another crowd base that will experience music I’m doing, and can be turned on to my other projects. But the only thing about all of these bands is that unless you know who's playing, you probably won't be able to tell it's me in all 3. Unless you listen really carefully for things I have a tendency to play in my songs.

Most of my shows with Ikonoklast have only gotten better since I've joined them a couple years ago. Now that the music is more solid than before, it seems to be taken more seriously than it may have before. Then again, I don't remember too many Ikonoklast shows before I joined them, I hated the old drummer. We're really starting to get the ball rolling with things and we're hoping for the best for the band. In case you wanna SEE how well our shows go over (assuming you haven't already) we have one at Chaser's Nightclub on December 9th I think it is... It's on the website, but I can't remember, even though I run the damn thing.

Shit... I just realized I’ve typed a lot... Well, maybe I’ll catch you later. I gotta get to sleep soon so I can get to work. I work at Guitar Center in the drum section in case you know anyone that wants some killer deals. But only if I know that let it be known to them... Until next time Chico!

-Monkey-

Nerds of America.

[22:34] monk sez: Where's my GBA Movie Player.
[22:34] DeathOnSwiftWngz: on the shelf for my bunkbed
[22:34] monk sez: Coo.
[22:34] monk sez: Bring that to me when you get the chance.
[22:35] DeathOnSwiftWngz: -3 years later-
[22:35] monk sez: *thumb twiddle*
[22:35] monk sez: ... DAMNIT!

Females.

They are just too much sometimes… I like to make people feel better, but I don’t like to be a crutch for people.

Here’s an example of how girls are too much sometimes: We’re at a killer party at Jonah’s! Fucking kegger, beer pong, lots of socializing (Working at Guitar Center got me able to talk to anyone now). So I decide lets go jam, and I rally the troops. I even talked with Trey before about why we don’t go to the studio anymore; Heather, and missing equipment. On 2 occasions I had to rescue her from getting me kicked out of the place by running her mouth at Mexicans. So months later, I decide that I’ll give it a try. Bringing 3 people to the studio shouldn’t be a big deal. But no! As we get beer, Trey gets beer and Spicy Cheetos. But since he got Spicy Cheetoes with lime she threw the biggest tantrum I’ve seen in my life. Screaming crying, chasing her across parking lots, chasing them back to QT, all kinds of nastiness. So we cancel, and tell Trey that we don’t want to deal with Heather ever again.

Then there’s my woman.

Maybe for Reburn?

Jazz Slut

Jazz slut: I met you down at the local bar
I saw you once, and now I gotta know who you are
Who’s the girl with tight shirt and mini skirt
I wanna stick it to her and make it hurt
I knew tonight I wouldn’t be alone, sleeping at home
But instead, letting you play my rusty trombone
Jazz slut: We met down at the local bar
Take it easy bitch, not so hard!

Jazz slut, how I love you so
You’re the best, and I want you to know
Let’s fuck like animals to the sound of swing
I know you know just what I mean

We stayed up late, ‘till about a quarter to four
I came 3 times, but of course I still wanted more
Come on baby, let’s romp to the sound of Coltrane
Then maybe later, we can streak in the rain.

That’s a good jazz slut…

WOO

WOO!

I got a job at Guitar Center as a Sales Associate in the drums department. I’m pretty stoked about that… A job at a place I used to hang out at for hours. Just got my check from Office Partners a little while ago, and I’m starving. And bored. And starving.

Bored sucks.

The light at the end of my tunnel.

[11:43] psychosarealive: you have my cup!!!
[11:43] monk sez: :-D
[11:43] monk sez: Yes I do.
[11:43] psychosarealive: i believe you have my cup
[11:43] monk sez: Yes. Yes I do.
[11:43] psychosarealive: i would like to have it back please
[11:44] monk sez: I'll have to run that past the Operations department here.
[11:44] monk sez: We can't just... GIVE you the cup.
[11:44] psychosarealive: lol
[11:44] monk sez: Standard procedure, i'm sure you understand.

Work to make yourself rich, not someone else.

Quick sum of my travels:

• Reburn show


• Enlightenment of my life:


• Enjoy it while you can


• Don’t worry about jumping on the band wagon and doing “What you should be doing in life”


• Do what makes you happy


• My car is destroyed:


• Oil change may have attributed


• Car has overheated without warning


• Piston has fried due to heat exhaustion


• Full time job at Best Western International Corporate office

I love her.

Wasn't meant to look like a poem.

I can’t sleep, and here’s why:

I thought that I was going to sleep
To prepare for my day ahead
When I started crying into my pillow
Thinking “I wish that I was dead”
I know they think I’m worthless
That the future holds nothing for me
And sometimes I think they’re right
So now I can not sleep.

I wish to only slew my inner thoughts that I will not speak
Because “Nothing bothers me”
I remain calm at all times on the outside
And I try not to raise an eye in times of urgency

But the truth is that I’m weak inside
My steady grin is just a mask
It hides my insecurities and flaws I choose to hide
I constantly watch the clock change time
Worrying constantly about what the future holds for me
Where will I be living in by the time I’m 25?
What will my love think, should I happen to fail?

But I stand for what I’m certain of
I’m relentless in my pursuits and I don’t easily give up
I get things done to prove people wrong and throw it in their face
I do as I say and say as I do
I’m a man of my word
But I still feel like I lost

So now I wipe my nose and eyes, and drift to sleep.


Don’t get me wrong… I’ll still take a bat to you if you cross me. I’m no bitch.