I never fully trust anything anyone says anymore.

It's just my natural reaction, and I hate it when people are talking normal volume and then get quiet.

I'm just waiting for everyone to slip up...

There are weird people out there.

Old friend from grade school. She made me comfortable with the fact of wearing jewelry and stuck up for me once.

It's too bad people aren't always as cool as you thought they were.

me: Do you ever play Bewjewelled 2 2?
Karla: negative
me: You should give it a try sometime! It's a fun puzzle game.
Karla: where do you play that game?
Sent at 10:37 PM on Monday
me: It hosted online on a bunch of sites.
Karla: nope havent played it yet
the only online game i play is mobsters
and i dont really know how to play really
Sent at 10:40 PM on Monday
me: Lol.
So cute.
Karla: its true
Sent at 10:43 PM on Monday
me: I'm pro nerd.
Sent at 10:45 PM on Monday
Karla: why?
Sent at 10:46 PM on Monday
me: I love video games.
Always playing them.
Karla: i like wii
Sent at 10:48 PM on Monday
me: But you didn't really play before the Wii did you?
Karla: like what?
guitar hero?
I suck at that
me: Lol.
Nevermind.
Karla: other than that i like the first nintendo
mario 3
and sega
so I can play sonic
me: Woo!
Karla: thats about it
me: Loved Sonic... and Mario 3.
I go through video games like music.
Sent at 10:52 PM on Monday
Karla: I don't
haven't played those in years
Sent at 10:54 PM on Monday
me: Crazy.
That's why I like talking to different people online.
Insight on the rest of the world.
It's interesting.
Sent at 10:56 PM on Monday
Karla: I could see that
there are alot of different people online
Sent at 10:59 PM on Monday

I need to feel sexy sometimes.

Sometimes, I wish she would buy in more to the perverted and sexual things I do.

I sometimes walk around with no underwear and my short sagging so my 'V' is noticably visible. I'll turn something into a sexual pun or ennuendo while we talking to see if she ever says anything back. Or i'll purposely stare at parts of her body that I likey while she's standing.. A little effort is nice.

Whatever.

I don't feel sexy anymore.

*shrug*

I just don't.

I was gonna go skating...

Until she ruined the moment again.

me: I'll go another time.
Amber: huh?
you are silly
werent you laready int eh car?
me: 3 times.
Well, 4.
Amber: why did you change your mind honey
me: I'll just go another day.
Amber: did soemthign happen?
me: I just rather go another day.
Amber: oh ok
you confuse me soemtimes
haha
me: I know.
Amber: good thing i love you so
me: Good thing I love you so too.

Another question and response.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: matthew
Date: Sep 16, 2008 4:19 PM


Cool. Thanks for that. I would say I'm a better complainer then I am a talker or communicator, is that ok? I guess I will start burning my Equipment now. That's a joke.

I understand, the music is one thing but the promoter must be informed on how this is truly a money making deal.

OK, more questions please. (If you don't feel invaded by all this.)

Have any of your bands ever had a manager that did all this "talking" for you? And if you did what was the result?


Me:
--


The last couple bands i've been in (and my band now as of a couple months ago), have all been self ran. No management. I've had the luck of being in a band where there was one guy that was the smooth talker of the band.

Having a manager in a band is a good thing to do if none of you are the most persuasive people. You really gotta have someone that is assertive and clever as to charm (or outwit) whoever it is the band is dealing with for whatever reason. But don't get the idea that the manager gets anything to do with your personal life, I learned that in my first couple bands. Strictly professional, but doesn't neccessarily need to be a tight ass attorney looking fucker, lol. Anyone, that knows how to deal business with people and get what they want.

Personality kinda depends on you guys I guess though, you pick you like or get along with. Just as examples, heh.

I'm wondering the difference between this and Livejournal...

Or Deadjournal, they're all basically the same... I used to think.

Is it treated like LiveJournal, where you daily drop random thoughts? Or is a blog more of a professional outlet of news for people of a more specific genre?

I don't care either way... But i'm still curious.

Just a message I responded to on Myspace.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: matthew
Date: Sep 15, 2008 9:04 PM


Mr. Monkey. Just in case you don't know who I am, I am Johnny Nelsons' cousin on his dads side (you probably knew that). Anywho, you are the only musician I know that gigs just about every week. I have some questions for you, if you could help me out. Can you please tell me how much you and you alone make from your average gig? How many times have you been gigging a week in the past 6 months? I think that is all I would really like to know. Any thing you tell me will stay with me only. I am kind of looking for some encouragement in the music biz. Thank you very much.




My response:

I myself don't typically make any money from a show. The way we work as the type of band we are, we dump all the money the band can make back into the band. Most of the stuff we do is self funded because a rock show doesn't typically pay alot. Unless your along the lines of a house band whereas you are contracted a money guarantee for the night, or if your able to talk yourself up to a promoter that they will pay you more thinking you can bring in a a certain number of people. Out of town bands that promote themselves as touring bands can usually talk themselves a good deal if they know they have a connection in a city (promoters, fans).

Since we all have financed cars, cell phones, expensive equipment, and girlfriends, we have full time jobs. Lol. And as of late we've been playing less because of how the economy has been lately, money's low. But when everything was in full spin, I used to play every weekend.

As far as encouragement, all you gotta know how to do is talk. You gotta be a good talker, because it IS a business, assuming your wanting to be doing the big shows with big bands. But if your just playing to be playing, you can still even have a chance at playing those big shows, but you can focus on the people in your scene. Music is a networking tool and an outlet of artistry in all forms. I've met so many awesome people because of being involved in music. A majority of the friends I have are actually musicians or somehow involved in a music scene.

Meow. :-)

Panic!

I had a full blown freak out tonight at Monica's Birthday party.

I'm convinced I have some kind of social anxiety that makes me shake and my heart beat faster.

Across from a room full of marriage and relationship, to friends being to drunk, and being paranoid as it is, I couldn't handle. I had to step outside. Overstimulation, I couldn't calm down with all the commotion.

I would handle better if I felt completely comfortable around them. I feel like they're expecting more out of me since i'm dating someone older than me that's their age. Given the things some of them have gone through, it's alot for someone like me to handle. I can't be myself around them.

What's happened to me.

Old friends.

What do you talk about with old friends that phase themselves out of your life?

That's always a hard question, and an awkward moment when you sit down with them. I haven't actually sat down with someone recently, but this is the question that's been popping into my head lately more and more. When old friends that used to know everything about you suddenly try to rekindle the spark, it's an uncomfortable feeling. There are people I confided in that just fell out, not in a bad way, but just had life take them somewhere else. It sucks sometimes, but sometimes it's good to have a couple weeded out of the equation. There's actually a couple people I wish I could still talk to, but when it actually comes down to it, I have nothing to say.

I don't care about your kids. I'm not concerned about the effect your ex's have had on you since we last talked. I'm not particularly interested in what school your going to in what city or state. After a length of time, it's out of sight, out of mind.

But there's still some people I choose to talk to. Not neccessarily for any particular reason, but there are still some people I can talk to regardedless of how long it's been since i've been personable with them because of dynamic personalities. Shit, you may run into someone at a bar that you can talk to all night, and then part ways. "Well, it's late. Thanks for the beer." Stimulating conversation and the personal fascination with a person keep me hooked on some people. Some people just strike me as sooooo cool that I can't afford to not have SOME kind of contact with them. And so people don't understand that.

I should probably go clean my shower... *toke*

Since i'm not at work...

I'll smoke a little. *toke*

I'm finding myself caring what people think of me again, and I guess that's good. I Know it sounds lame to say, but fear is a healthy thing to have. It helps give structure to what you do and don't do. And since i'm afraid of what people may think, i'm becoming more social as of late. For like the past year, i've become more and more anti-social. I think it's cuz i'm not on the stage as much anymore, and i'm not friends with everyone everywhere I go. Even though I Know the people I hang out with or interact with in some situations, I still feel like a stranger to some people. But last night helped me remember what it was like to know everyone around you, whether you want them there or not. To have a history with everyone in a room is an empowering feeling, and I miss that kind of thing. Feeling like i'm in control, in power. Alpha Dog! ARWWOOOO!

I'm gonna let it ride.

Screw anti-depressants.

Sometimes I WANNA die.

Definition of ruin.

ru·in (rn)
n.

1. Total destruction or disintegration, either physical, moral, social, or economic.
2. A cause of total destruction.
3.
a. The act of destroying totally.
b. A destroyed person, object, or building.
4. The remains of something destroyed, disintegrated, or decayed. Often used in the plural: studied the ruins of ancient Greece.
v. ru·ined, ru·in·ing, ru·ins
v.tr.
1. To destroy completely; demolish.
2. To harm irreparably.
3. To reduce to poverty or bankruptcy.
4. To deprive of chastity.
v.intr.
To fall into ruin.

It felt better to talk about it.

With people that understood.

I came home from the Amplify Music Conference the other day.

I haven't been the same ever since.

I've been playing out since I was 16, and i've always dreamed of doing music professionally since I was a kid. And once I got older and began doing bigger shows, I learned that music is a business. It's never been something that i've put out of mind, but I always thought I was ahead of the curb. Everything I know, I had put behind me when I had joined LMX. Stuff I had gotten tired of: Selling tickets, promoting at malls and music stores, high schools, it's a numbers game. I had always tried to put it out of mind the impossible odds I was up against, but it all came rushing back in when I was sitting through the conference.

I was never in it for just the money, you stick with what you love for the love of doing it. But to be reminded by the very people running the business, like the VP of Atlantic Records and touring manager of Hawthorne Heights, is just jarring. I've always known the truth, but it hurts to hear the truth from someone else.

I'm too mentally and emotionally exausted to try to survive in a business where the gatekeepers aren't able to support influx of new clients. The market is being flooded and oversaturated everyday, and it's become a lottery of people that don't know the facts. With the internet aimed at being the new medium for sharing and buying music in the next 10 years, everything that bands used to do to make it to the top is basically out the door. It's not a "Get a band, get an album, and someone will pick you up at a show" game anymore, although given my age, how can I really know.

I haven't learned anything new, i'm just accepting the truth.

I am eternally happy that I will always have a penchant for writing and playing music. I've never needed money, but I had always hoped that my love for music would be hotlinked to my musical career. I can and always have been happy without money, so I guess I AM still ahead of the curve.

A true musician will play for nothing.